There is karma

What goes around comes around.

Remember when I bitched about the relationship my x boss has with one of his staff? This caused many frictions in the small company cause how he handles the relationship totally reflected badly about his management and leadership skills.

I remember he insisted in one of the meetings that we should not isolate any colleagues . Its quite obvious that he meant his gf cause she was the only one that's been isolated. Most of us can already sensed something fishy from her, most of us except the one that is head over heels over her.

Anyway, something happened to her in the company and of course its nothing good but it goes to show her true characteristics. Her true colors came out. We were right about our intuitions, except for the one that thinks with his 'organ'. She resigned. This still reflect one thing, bad management and wrong crisis control was administered.

I sincerely enjoyed working with the team. Everyone of them except for you know who. I have a great lead and awesome team mates. I truly believe we can achieve greatly as a team. Too bad you were too selfish.

If you are reading this now?
We told you so! You have got no one but yourself to blame. So don't continue to make anymore stupid mistakes! The company IS not your play ground.

Imagine

I am not done complaining. Actually I came back from work yesterday with a very very bad temper partly due to something bad that happened the day before. One of my housemates whom I met in the hallway almost became a victim for my almost about to explode behavior. Thank God I was in control.

Anyway, imagine, coming home to a bathroom that is filled with hair and water everywhere! Imagine that someone left their unwashed dishes AGAIN on the sink and on the counter! Imagine the dustbin is filled with rubbish! Everyone has been informed few times NOT to do repeat those kind of living attitude cause if everybody keeps on doing the same thing, imagine what will the place become.

I was rather proud of myself while talking with one of my housemates. Everything just flow out but no worries I didn't explode. Important thing is to get the message through.

Anyway, still PISSED!

Connection sux or stupid people?

Hate the internet connection! I dare not even go youtube! Even after 2am in the morning! We girls have to share a 2ogb (for day) and 40gb (night) a month. It's less than 2 weeks and the connection is shitass again!!! I really would like to find the culprit and make her drink my expired milk in the fridge! Whoever that is downloading movies or watching movies on line. So irresponsible! Hope your computer crashes beyond repair~!

YES! I am evil now go away and leave me alone!
Super hate!

Taking things for granted

You never know the value of a person's to your heart until they are gone. That although you never spent much time together, although there wasn't much words there. I cherish the thought of ever knowing this wonderful person in my life. Sometimes certain people in life just live on in your heart. It's like a piece of me die, or my soul just got lonelier knowing that I will never say hi to this person again or hug them again.

I expect them to be there always, smiling. I expect them to live a long and healthy live. I thought, they'll always be there. I am sure I have time to meet them again. Think positive? Nonsense, life waits for no one.

I hate death, maybe I am selfish because I cannot stand to be apart from the people that I care about or love. I am so selfish that I wish I am the one to die earliest cause I don't think I can cope with the death of the ones that I love. I seriously don't think I can cope.

I am missing you dearly. Knowing that I'll nver see you again just break my heart. I honestly didn't know that I am going to miss you so much. I love you por por. I hope you are in better place.

Momento of guilt

I need all the guilt feeling I can get cause I am moving nowhere in my studies at the moment. I’ve been so distracted by what, I have no absolute idea.

My brother told me that I came all the way here and now I am not focusing on studying? What the hell am I doing here.

Hearing Ms Koh telling me that she is working through her journal reviews sent shame down my gut. I felt so shameless. My gawd.

Even my lil’s housemate is studying so hard although her mid terms is a week away. She won’t even break away for a movie you know.

And I, am up for anything except for studying.

I have some serious talking to do to myself.

Need help?

I have trouble accepting kindness. I crinch at the thought people being kind to me. I really can't help but to think about the days when I have to repay it back and that stress me out cause before I repay that I am indebted. I hate this feeling.

Another thing that I learnt today even though I know it like the back of my hands. Hah, my life lesson, is that human can't survive alone. My problem is that I am too proud to ask for help and due to a reason I don't know, reason such as above? I prefer to iron things out alone.

Today at work, if it's not because of other people, other friends at work, it might not be possible for me to do a better sales. It's not much difference BUT it does make thing easier. Whether I like it or not things do get easier with the help of others. Then what is my issue?

Egoistic! I think am too proud to receive help and I don't like to owe people things. I just feel stress about it.

Ok. Lost my mood to blog now. gtg.

Pull the plug

If you really want to feel invincible or just blend in with the background or doesn't want to be in the spot light. Just don't do any online social networking or just don't touch the net. There's really not much 'private' space left after that.

Just a thought, sometimes I just feel like pulling the plug off and then disappear. I am sure this feeling will go away in time.

ps: No, pulling the plug off as in get disconnected with the net not taking my own life k.

Feeding time

I miss this girl so much.This one too.
More than I miss CY actually.
>.<

Interesting demo

working with the bosses

First official date at work! Came back home went straight to bed. Try catching a bus at 5am in the morning and you’ll see what I mean.

BA’s are very territorial even though some of us are selling the same brand. If they are not happy about you they complain straight to your boss. There is this one new lady that joins at the same time like I do, she has no experience and she said the wrong thing. ‘try this, it’s better’. Yea. I know it’s not really friendly putting other brands down but she is really new and I can see that she is really nervous. She most probably didn’t know what to say. The BA for the brand that ‘was not better’ went straight to the boss and said she’s pissed! ‘Pissed’, awesome word.

Hey you know we have code of sexual harassment at work right? What about demoralizing words at work? Why is it being allowed?

Anyway. My directors are interesting people. You know that this is the Easter weekend? Big holiday? My directors were sweating it on the floor. There is one male and one female director. The female was restocking liquor on the shelf and the the male director was dressing as bunny rabbit walking around the airport. They came in earlier than I did which is before 630am. I left at 1230pm and they are still working. I will be seeing them tomorrow again and its a SUNDAY! I’ve never ever worked with my directors/GMs/Managers during the public holiday, events maybe but they came as special guests. Let’s not forgetting also I left earlier then them. I would never dare in my previous company. Something pretty new for me.

Customers are more willing to buy though still need convincing. You wouldn't think that we're having economic crisis out there. Standing there you can see who's not buying, who's buying, who's in the rush, who's just browsing. I won't have time to do long sales talk and I can't spend too much time with the browsing customer, I have to talk to them, get the vibe of buying, if not, move on real quick. The best quote I like to use now is 'it's not even available in Europe and US market yet. You're the first few ones to have this.' Such an opener!

I know I am boring some of you with this but it is for a purpose. It's part of my work!

Feeling guilty for blessings?

Brrrrrr….It’s so cold today. I am shivering as I type this. Australia is moving in to winter now, I think.

At this point of my life, I should not be complaining at all because I have everything that I wanted. If I have everything that I want, am I greedy if I ask for more? It’s really hard to tell. If I stop asking for more won’t that stop me from progressing in life? Am I giving myself excuses to be greedy? How do I know when to stop?

Anyway, what I want to say here is that I feel truly blessed in many ways. The things that I want in life, He never ever fails to provide. I don’t always get exactly what I wanted but in a way I still get a part of what I want. There are certain thing that I didn’t get cause I personally know that it’s damaging to me if I get it but yet I wanted it so badly.

Like, living abroad – It’s really not possible for me to do this if I were to turn back time 10 –15 years back. Life back then was to survive through the week, day sometimes. My family is REALLY a working family. Now, I am in Sydney (totally hating here at the moment), fully sponsored, even for my spouse. Although initially I really want to go UK cause I don’t know, it’s the furthest? :-p But I have no regrets coming here and I have to thank my supervisor for that (t doesn’t mean you hate it you have to regret it ok!).

Then about finding the right partner in your life? I used to ask myself this question a lot. Dreaming of my prince charming. Well after many heartaches and stupid stunts, I did seriously prayed to God to find someone that is good in the heart, passionate about what his doing, loving, fun and supportive. I got it you know? How do I know? I can imagine spending the rest of my life with him without much difficulties. It’s like I can imagine growing old with him without the drama of Samantha and Kenny Sia. I think that’s a very good sign!

Then, there is this one prayer that I did for my brother, for him to ditch his wild days and to settle down. It took sometime this one, but heck the prayer is working perfectly at the moment. Now I am praying that He will have a fruitful and happy life. Not an easy one cause I haven’t been consistent about this but I pray that its getting there.

More recently? I seriously need to get myself a job especially in the retail industry. I tried for a month and still no news from any company. I negotiated with God all the way. I haven’t been going to church for a long time you see and I am not interested to go to one of the churches we (Jessica found it actually) found here. I mean it’s a good church, we it has mostly Malaysian and Singaporean but what’s the point, I came all the way here to mix with Malaysian? How am I to learn the culture here? I should be learning it like I am learning from my landlady right? Actually going to church is about God? Hmmm.

Back to negotiating with God. So I was talking to Him, like I haven’t been going to church, haven’t been reading the bible, haven’t been praying consistently, I wonder should I pray to Him to ask for the job cause am I worthy of it? I feel guilty asking Him for things ALL THE TIME cause I am not contributing to him and to make matter worst, I swear A LOT. I am not a good Christian.

But, still, I took advantage of Him. I still ask Him to provide. Like “I don’t care, I want a job NOW! Why am I not getting any responses!” Then I got a job. It’s really not easy to get a job in Sydney at the moment, especially when you are not a PR or local here? 2 of my housemate tried really hard and Vinnie has been here for 3 years and yet no news. I heard that it takes averagely about 3 months to get part time and today, I got another call for another interview.

Why am I feeling guilty about it? I don’t deserve this?  I was reading the news back in hometown and many people were retrenched or about to be. The future looks grim back home. I feel so bad cause I am having all this opportunities here while some opportunities were taken away from them back home, even here in Sydney…

Am I lucky? or truly blessed? I thank God for it really, my every waking breath but yet sometimes I can’t help but to feel guilty about being blessed.

Then I was reading the Hidden Injuries of the class. I totally dislike it cause I don’t get their lingo or most probably I have been sick and I just can’t concentrate. It’s a simple book but hard to get into it. They were saying, when there is a shift in one person’s life, in one phase to another, or in the book in particular, blue collar to a white collar class. That person will feel inadequate, inept and incapable in the new class cause they will torment themselves with the thought, am I really worthy to be here, am I good enough, do I deserve respect?

How can they feel this way? Then I ask myself, why am I feeling guilty about having a job? What about all the hard work I provided to be where I am at? The sacrifices that I made? But then again, not all people that try hard will be as lucky as I am. That’s not the point. Why am I feeling lousy or feeling I don’t deserve it? How did I get that feeling?

I haven’t finish the book. So I don’t know. I doubt I will get the answer. I do know who to ask. So most probably I’ll ask him tomorrow and he will torture my brain again. 

Will try to update.

I know this ending is abrupt. I am feeling guilty right now blogging this cause I need to finish something off. :-p

hate this feelin

I haven’t been feeling well since last two days. I think I have fever, definitely flu and on off headache. I blame it on the weather. Honestly though, it has got more to do with my new job then the sickness itself. I am having this de-javu feeling that I am reliving my life back in the ‘old’ days. Days when I was with the retail and I hate this feeling. I think I am having cold feet. Its a mix emotion and one big difference is I am in a different country. I really don’t like Sydney at the moment. Main culprit of this disliking is the person below.

Whether I like it or not, dreading it or not, I got to do what I’ve got to do.

Complain: Landlady

Update: Apparently I am a lodger/boarder and lodger/boarder has no rights. She can enter my room as she pleases and she can have house rules. Hard not to think that she knew that lodger/boarder has no rights and she takes advantage of it. I wasn't even aware that I am a lodger and here I am thinking I am a tenant. Even if I pay rental, even if I paid bond and even though I agreed to stay for 6 months. She didn't even have the courtesy to tell me I am a lodger. Guess I have to bear it out.

The landlady thinks I am angry at her because she removed the oven. -_- In the beginning yea but come on, what can I do bout it? It was supposed to be a part of the furnished house package then you removed it? That's not keeping to your deal loh.

I am not angry at her, I am only being defensive towards her. It's different. Perhaps this is the first time ever people actually step up and talk to her in a 'reasonable' way. Its actually not easy to talk to her cause she is always so hostile.

One of my housemates said that no one can out argue her. With me, she has to say 'why is Tera angry with her?' Yesterday when we spoke, she kept on talking and so I REASONED hard with her and she said 'you are not listening'. You crazy? I am not your slave. I did listen to you when I first stayed here. You cannot keep on imposing things onto people like you are our mother. I was n't kidding to her when I said she should run a boarding house - an utterly strict one!

Oh, she went into my room on the pretext that she wants to vacuum my room - without my permission! Lady, why are suddenly so kind here? Its not included in the rental that you are supposed to clean my room and who asked you anyway? Your 100 years old vacuum is not working in the first place and dare she accused that nobody is vacuuming the room. How to be not defensive? Isn't it against the law for you to enter without permission?

Such a shrewd person, she actually asked me to 'check' if my Indian housemates bring back boys after dark. I mean if she can do that to them, imagine what else she can ask people to do. She also asked me not to inform the Indian housemates that they are the only one that needs to throw that bin in the toilet. Just them. Can you see how she takes advantage of people here?

She said I delayed my rental payment for one week. Fuck her loh. I texted her to come and collect the rental a week ago and she didn't have the courtesy to reply. So don't say damaging thing like that you old hag. She saw a poster in my room which obviously it is I that posted it, and she went on and say 'SOMEBODY puts up a poster in the room'. Somebody? Like who? John Mayer? Hugh Jackman? Common' lah. Can't you just say, 'Tera, please don't put up a poster in the room. Omg, she is so fake!'

She said Sakshi made a big deal out of the toilet bin issue, the only one that over reacted here is her. We housemates talked bout it and we have no issue with it. We didn't inform the landlady because she is supposed to be in the house twice a week to do the cleaning we pay her for. Then she didn't show up for 10 days. Some more lied to me, saying she was around on Sunday, bla bla bla...I was around the whole day Sunday. I was in fact waiting for her the whole week to collect the rental. The last time people actually saw her was 10 days ago. There is 7 of us, I doubt we can miss her since she is SO loud.

She always like to threaten people which I think its extremely childish. One time I was sharing with her that we sometimes feel insecure here cause of the crime surrounding the area. I was sharing you know, not like, "you place sucks, filled with criminal and you charged us so expensive for it." Then the next thing she said is, if you are not happy you can move out of here. I was like what? I asked her 'Do you want me to move?'. She said "don't be silly". She always use that to take advantage of the international students staying in her house. She thinks because we are international students we don't know much and shouldn't complain so much. Maybe we don't know much but we got a mouth that we can use to ask you know?

She did it again yesteday. You know that we cannot flush toilet paper into the toilet bowl cause she said it'll jammed up the piped? Hence she prepared us a bin to throw our toilet paper that were used to wipe our ass with after we do our 'business'. There are 7 ladies in the house so imagine the pile of 'waste' papers in the bin, some actually left few pads filled with blood unwrapped in the bin. Landlady didn't showed up to clean house for 10 days so the bin is filled. She brought up the issue with me, so of course I say I am not happy with it cause its supposed to be clean now and then. She then said, 'you knew that it's gonna be like this why did you move in the first place?' WELL, you are supposed to clean it twice a week! Everytime you outspoke her, she will threaten you with, 'if you are not happy, just move out' Well again, I am not stupid, I don't want to lose my bond, if you want me to move, YOU HAVE TO ASK ME! You think everyone will allow you to be stepped all over? I am actually hoping she will kick me out of the house.

She lives next door so each house will have a set of green, yellow and red bins to throw our rubbish outside the house (Seriously, the houses here in Australia look so ugly with it but for the sake of environment ok lah). I always throw the rubbish into the one that is closest to me. She came in the house and over reacted by saying that one red bin outside has no rubbish, and where did you guys throw it (She should be happy there is no trash in the house!)? I said its my turn (yea, I have to throw the rubbish still even if I pay her for cleaning) and the nearest of course. She insisted I show her it outside, so dramatic! So I went out first, and when she came out she pushed my back (I know its accidental) but I said to her 'You didn't have to push me you know?' Then she said, she almost fell bla bla bla. Ha ha ha. Anyway. those bins belong to you, does it matter which one I threw it in as long as its the right color right? Gee, who is the one that's over reacting. Never us but you!

July 15th, that is when my contract with her expire. So hang in on there!

First meeting

I found myself a job! I am excited although I’ve got 5 blisters on my feet right now. I am back at selling fragrance at somewhere where it’s high traffic everyday. No worries about no walk ins. Just have to wake up like really really really early in the morning and stand like really really long hours and it’s 2 hours back and forth by bus but heck its worth it cause its for so many causes! Well. 2 actually.

I realised I am more cautious when I meet people now. I don’t throw myself completely into a person if I first like a person. I used to do that cause I judge people instantly and let me tell you, it’s not good at all. I end up being more disappointed than I am more surprise most of the time.

My new boss said:

“Enjoy your work cause if you are not happy the customers can sense it. So we want you to enjoy and be happy in your work.”

I never hear this from my x bosses you know. I can’t remember if I ever say this to my staff but I make sure if my staff is not happy I would want to hear about it but nothing beats then hearing it up front and then a follow up by action.

Oh, I didn’t even have to negotiate for the $. Its better than most out there. One thing that is quite striking is that she is constantly asking for feedbacks and comments. I can’t comment or feedback on anything else cause she prompt me about everything. She is ready with everything upfront with the documents and she is there on the floor to work with you NOT leaving you alone on the floor.

For now, I can see most of the staff there are happy and energetic. Let’s see where it goes from here.