rooftopkitten

Fame whore

2009-12-10T21:49:00.001+11:00

APOLOGIZE??? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID!!!! Or you think we readers or viewers are plain STUPID!

I am referring one of Tigger Gatal Woods mistresses. Apologize??? D**K lah! If you are really sorry you would have kept your mouth shut! You wouldn’t have let Tigger menggatal with you! You wouldn’t have come out from secret! SORRY? Like really???? PLease lah! See the news also ANGRY NIA!

I wonder who will buy this kinda shit! I know who will, the media! They love this shit! That bitch is such a fame whore. I can’t stand these type of hypocrites. I feel so bad for Elin and their family.

Anyway, I hope Tigger would catch a bug down his pants so his tigger lil’ brother will stay a good boy for the rest of his life. Do you think he has learnt his lesson???

SO angry nia. I really don’t get this type of FAMEWHORE!!!!!! Like so many of it. I really don’t give a shit about tigger but really, the family is suffering.

Oh, found her name, that bitch’s name is Jaimee Grubs!

Summer of sadness

2009-12-06T15:33:00.001+11:00

Its really the hormones doing, as for the pass few days I have been overwhelmed by immense sadness. Its so sad that my every movement is filled with it. I cry at every single little thing.

I was at the beach yesterday. The sky was cloudy and the sea was gloomy. I see sadness everywhere. I was curling into the corner of my heart. I don’t know how to describe it but I feel like sleeping forever.

I would like to think its the hormones doing and that this is not the beginning of depression. Lets hope I am just being dramatic and that this shall pass.

Robbie’s heat

2009-12-05T19:04:00.001+11:00

He is sucha darling. Although he seems to be lacking of energy but his charm is definitely present! He kept mentioning that now that he is 35, he can’t seem to remember his moves from ‘Take That’ days (wait, was it ‘take that’? or ‘take’ something else? What kind of name is TAKE THAT!!! LOLx!) Anyway, I was Barlow’s fan back then. Then when Robbie went solo, I switched immediately. My first bad boy crush! Haha!

And before I forget, he is so sweet, he dedicated a song to his gf which was up on the platform and he also let a dude climb on stage to let the dude propose to his gf. Too bad I didn’t catch the moment because my batt went dead. Sigh.

Anyway, so unforgettable lah! ^.^

Heart forever Robbie!

He likes to parade his behind. hehe

Lastly, herewith I attached my favourite video of him for the night. Thank you for acknowledging me, Robbie. My heart almost went pop. >.<

Apologies for the trembles, excited mah…

Should have gone for ebay instead

2009-12-03T20:20:00.001+11:00

We received a parcel with some strange name on it. I think it’s not for us and of course curiosity got the best of CY, he opened the box. Oh good, the name of the actual owner of the box, email and phone number is in the box, we can give a tinkle to ask her to come and collect it (its a her because the parcel is from Victoria Secret if you know what I mean). It is actually for the former tenant of my place.

So I gave her a call. Didn’t pick up. Thinking how can a person be so blur for not changing the delivery address. I mean when you place your order surely this question will pop up right? What a blur queen.

Anyway sent an email to her to ask her to collect it. She reply the email with no hint of appreciation. Not even a sense of warmness. No thank you, no ‘I was relieved that you contacted me’. Just apologies for the inconvenience caused.

Hey, I am not asking for anything in return but a thank you would be nice. I feel a bit regret contacting her and too bad her bra is too small for my size. Not that I fancy her ‘boring’ style. Yawn.

Anyway, she contacted CY like immediately (I left CY number in the email as I will be at work most of the time) to collect it tomorrow. Fine by us.

She came, CY apologised for opening the box, she said its ok and thanks and bye.

-.-

Really, we are not asking for door gifts or anything as such. Common, we took the effort to contact her even though we could have ignored it??? To think that we both stayed (I am still) at the same place, I thought we could have more things to talk about. I should have been a bitch and sell her small size bras and underwears on ebay. Its Victoria Secret you know?!?! CY said for a China Chinese lady to be able to afford bra modelled by Miranda Kerr is really something, rich for instant. Of course she is rich, her parents just bought her an apartment.

I feel bitter about this I tell you.

Death puts an end in life

2009-12-02T21:19:00.001+11:00

Words could not replace any lost of feelings or any lost of good friend that you always thought good of. You don’t question the mortality of anyone until you are at that edge where you will have to think about it. I refuse to believe in it even though the situation is or was really grim. Nevertheless, I also believe that we must have faith in God. In prayers I try, but the heart keeps telling me that this prayer will be answered differently.

I am a believer in death cause there is no running away from it. It is good to be dead because no longer I have to suffer or be a strong human being to go through endless of challenges and turmoils. Death is peace. Then again, death is not welcome when you are halfway through your live. Death is not supposed to happen when you are happy with someone you love. Death among all separates people. People that love one another.

The wife and the husband are one happy couple. A couple where you would look at and think that they will be as loving even when they are old and grey. That is one the best couples I have seen so far. The wife is as equally merry as the husband, no doubt match made in heaven. I envy their love and happiness. Then, all good things must end, nothing is permanent.

Joo Hwa, my sweet friend, whom I believe has gone to heaven today, this morning, when the sky was blue. Whom I think deserve to have more years beside his beloved husband left all of us behind today. She no longer needs to struggle, that’s a good thing right? She no longer needs to go through pain, that’s a good thing right? If its a good thing, then why does her absent makes a hole in the heart of those whom came to know and love her? Is love selfish? Is letting go selfish? I really don’t know now.

Rest in Peace love.

Satisfactory

2009-11-24T15:03:00.001+11:00

It wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. I kind of enjoyed it. Of course the thought of passing and failing do at some certain point shake me to my core but it was in just in that one moment (15mins to be exact) other than that it was nice.

It is nice to have people with expertise to talk only about MY research and opening my mind to things that I didn’t think of. I had this feeling earlier on before the review, where I feel like I am becoming so small in front of these giants that I will just disappear but its nice to know that I have overcome that feelings of insignificant. I am surprised that I am eager to answer some questions. Well, that is something new. The readings must have helped a lot and also thanks to one particular great teacher. :-D

It is good to know that I passed with such an open ended proposal (is it good? hmmm). Guess I won’t be returning home soon (figure of speech, I am coming home in Feb ok for the field work).

However, I am more stress than ever. Like really really stress. Like can I manage the expectations set??? A bit overwhelming. Well life goes on. Whether I like it or not, I still have to carry on. What am I talking about! I like it!!! But is it enough? Reminds me of Captain. He told me to do PhD, sometimes passion is not enough. I totally understand that right now. I have passion, but is it enough?

Can I have some blood please?

2009-11-21T20:06:00.001+11:00

I no longer can drink a lot. I just had two sparkling white wine and I am as happpy as as… what?? I don’t know how I should put it. Had a really nice meet up with my ex housemate, didn’t want to end the meeting but she has got prior engagement but I will meet her soon enough.

I just finished reading Bram Stoker, Dracula, and I am loving it to bits!!! I couldn’t put the book down and that book was written in 18 something!!! BRILLIANT I TELL YOU! SO original and yet so nerve wrecking! The vampire stories to date haven’t changed so much haven’t they?!?!?? Like the stories are still so infantile as compared to the Dracula! Like they really should write something new. Nothing can beat the original Dracula and Van Helsing. Why can’t I stop thinking about Hugh Jackman when I think about Van Helsing. Haha. Must be that movie. I really really love that book about Dracula.

Actually the reason I am blogging now is because I hate it when a story has to come to and end!! Its like when you are so acquainted with everybody else and you have to go through all the dramas and then it ends. I don’t want to say goodbye!!! Maybe there is a reason why I hate sad ending story too.

Oh, I picked up ‘to kill a mockingbird’ too! Its another book that I will make sure my kid or kids will read other than secret garden. I feel like I am relieving my childhood in another era. Its really deserving of its Pulitzer award. Atticus is the best father anyone can get. Super dooper love!!!

Anyway, I am going to sign off now and watch Robots. The rehearsal for the presentation was one word but disastrous.

And and and I LOVE zombies movies!!!! woohoo!!!

Pet Diaries: Dog vs. Cat

2009-11-21T16:34:00.001+11:00

The Dog's Diary:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!

12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

5:00 pm - Dinner! My favourite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

------------------------------------------

The Cat's Diary:

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Jerks!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ain’t this funny. LOLx!

Some joke which I found here.

Next stop!

2009-11-19T09:16:00.001+11:00

Next week!!

This time both of us are going!!! I’ma going broke! $161 for both tickets. I think it is ok if I don’t convert. Well. I am excited.

Cunning angel

2009-11-15T00:21:00.000+11:00

What would you do if you were still attending a customer and another colleague (other brand) barge into your space and started selling things for his own pride? You will be pissed and told the person off right?

I didn't say anything at all although I was unhappy (not angry). The whole time he was talking to the customer, I was watching him and thinking what the hell is he doing. I was observing him and thinking, 'so this is how low he can get'. He was my counter manager's good friend and he has always been nice to me and suddenly all of a sudden, he crossed his comfort zone to enter my zone just to get that extra credit card sales the store has been pressuring us to do. All because he wanted to reach his 10 cards target for that night (I overheard him boasting to another beauty assistant).

I was thinking really hard about it, should I say anything because he is the best friend of my manager and he has always been nice. I know its going to turn ugly if I confront him in front of my customer. That's why I kept quiet but I was struggling and how am I going to face him next time, cause he is just next door! Do I want to make a big deal out of this?

I swallowed whatever pride I had and I told myself. Alright, do I want to be angry at this? Can I act differently this time? Do I want to remember how ugly can a person turn to when they are selfish? Do I want to bicker about this? No. I don't want to carry this nonsense with me to bed. I will forget about it because with that I don't have to struggle to forgive him. If he is human, he would have some guilty consious smothering him soon enough.

So he is human, because the next day he WAS extra nice (all guilt written all over his forehead). I gave him my 'biggest smile' of course, the one that looked like this --> :-D (to make him feel worst). He told my manager what he did and my manager told him off, told him he was a bastard. I thought that was funny. You know what I like about this whole situation? Him feeling guilty. If I were to confront him, I am 100% sure I will feel like shit at night and I wouldn't be able to face him openly. So I rather him be in the difficult situation and I angel. Muahahahahahaah.

Cunning isn't it? He can keep whatever pride he has with the sales and guess who sleeps better at night? I wonder if I will react the same next time.

Not another diet!

2009-11-09T18:35:00.001+11:00

Did I mention that I am on a diet? I was trying on a crop top jacket and to my horror all I can see is my protruding stomach and my over eager butt. Actually I am aware that I have been pretty round recently but I guess I need the right moment, that moment of truth.

So I tried one of the detox tea but hate their after effect, especially when you wake up the next morning. Then after a while this tea will lose its effect cause what else can it detoxes after all the detox right?

So I opt out of that one. I try meal replacement instead. Although don’t really fancy the taste of the meal replacement (they have caramel, latte, banana shake, double chocolate etc) but heck they are actually working. I started on Thursday and I can feel the differences already. They don’t have the after effect of the detox tea which makes you wanna kill yourself in the morning for ever taking the tea.

The meal replacement is about 200 cal per pack (it claims to have all the nutrients I need) and it costs about $3 - $4 per pack. I often take it together with fruits. However it is still a liquid form of meal replacement, so I still do get hungry after 2 – 3 hours. Actually, even if I take normal meal I also get hungry after 2 – 3 hours. So instead of binge eating, I choose to eat water cracker. I avoid rice, noodles at all cost, although water cracker is still sort of starch but it is at its lowest.

I think with what ever diet, I got to have the will to stop giving in to food I am craving for. I have the worst cravings, chocolates, chips, fries. So the first 2 days was kind of hard resisting these food. CY so baka, some more enticed me to eat McD and ice cream! Scolded him until upside down. Haha. Poor dear.

Anyway, I will continue for two weeks and see how it goes. Crossy fingers!!

Photos – oh so random!

2009-11-08T17:44:00.002+11:00

sunsets @ my place

Purple tree @ my Uni, would like to grow stretches of them in the future outside my big mansion. ahem.

Little cafe by Bondi Junction.

Food fair. I think this is Night Noodle Markets. Visit here: http://www.siff.com.au/

Roaming the city cause didn’t want to go back early.

Our little studio apartment. $300 a week, guess how much I am paying a month in RM. ;-)
Someone’s a month salary.

@ Hyde’s Park for Crave’s Art and About. Visit here: http://www.cravesydney.com/events/art-about
I have to admit that one thing I like about Sydney is their no end of events. There is always something to do, to see and well, to eat.
Best is, the location and its well organized.

An outdoor art exhibition. Isn’t that awesome?

I look stupid here. –_- I hate you CY.

Street art performer. Can be quite fun.

With my favourite tree.

Where is thou head?

Went to roam in China town and got myself a Kat. That’s her name.

Kat with Kat but in black that is in white.

Another day to visit the design market. This is a must visit for CY but too bad it ended early due to the rain. Visit here: http://www.pyd.com.au/Events/article/2117.aspx
Before that, bus stop usually waited at. Yea. That’s IGA. The place we shop when we are bored.

This has a Japanese feel to it, don’t you think?

The design market. So many things I wanted to buy!!!

The shirt cost me $2 and the short pants cost me $6. Not from the design market. This is purely random.

Next, Sculpture by the Sea. Which we went successfully yesterday. We failed first time cause it was too darn hot. 37cel!
I love this event cause the location is perfect! Visit here: http://sculptureinternational.com/html/sxsbondi.php

Not part of the exhibit. Demo we still daitsuki!

Obviously this is not a sculpt. Just the street art by Bondi.

One of my fav!

This is fun too!

Alright, that’s it for now.
Next perhaps I’ll take a photo of David Jones Christmas display. IT ROCKS!!!!
Ja neh.

idling train

2009-11-08T16:22:00.000+11:00

I am allowing myself to be empty this few days. Just practically doing nothing, you know, cause I want to ready my mind, I know I will be pretty busy until next year end January.

Need to work hard for Christmas and also to prepare for my field work. Gotta settle the work journals and interviews before January ends. That has been on the back of my mind for months and I know I got to do what I got to do.

A year is almost gone, and I am up for my review on the 24th. Yes, I need to prepare for the presentation and also be prepared for the questions they are going to pop. I am glad that my sup push me to submit earlier the proposal, which I submitted last Weds, 6 days before the due date (kinda proud of that). but seriously, my heart can no longer take last minute preparation, body as well. I've hung the coat of midnight oil burning baby.

Idling idling idling.

I know, I shall post up some photos next. Taken so much of them but didn't have the time to post it up. Most of it, I uploaded in facebook. Its some sort like a photoblogs for me in there.

Oh, and have to apologize for the sequence of sentences. In here, I just type with the train of thoughts without much thought given to the train. Enough of editing in real work.

Fan for life ^^

2009-11-08T00:03:00.001+11:00

Wasn’t allowed to take pictures. They were very strict and I didn’t want to get thrown out but still I couldn’t resist this one shot. He was spectacularly awesome. Even better live! Much more handsome most definitely *shy* – NOT! Anyway, not because I have a thing for him, but he is real and presence in each of his performances. He is most certainly passionately in love with his music. Please don’t believe the hype in the tabloids about him, he is John Mayer, he writes better than them.

He shared with the crowds, can’t really recall exactly but it was something about the last few years have been kind of hard for him, he thought he can handles those people, and he welcomed them into his mind, and that he actually can’t handle them, it was too much. So he finally thought it through, that he is not going to give shit anymore, cause he writes better them those motherfuckers (his choice of words).

It was about 16 – 17 songs he performed, 2hours. The crowds were crazy for him!!! Men and women.

Heartbreak warfare, Perfectly lonely, Vultures, Gravity, Daughter, Why Georgia, Who Says (I heart so much!), Crossroads, Free Falling (it was really soulful beautiful), Waiting for the world to change, Bigger than my body (inspirational!), I don’t trust my self with loving you, Who do you think I was?, Friends, lovers or nothing, and a few more of his latest songs.

I am still so so so happy! He is starting a tour for his new album called, battle studies. His latest single is ‘who says’. AND HE IS COMING BACK TO SYDNEY IN MAY!

So happy!!! :-DDDDD

SO HAPPY CAN DIE!

2009-11-02T00:20:00.000+11:00

I watch Rove tonight just because JM is a guest! I thought maybe they will anounce the date of his tour in Aust but it was not mentioned BUT apparently there is a limited 100 tickets to his totally under advertised performance this Thursday for ROVE viewers!!

Anyway, we need to have like a secret password to purchase the tickets online? After I got the password? I don't know how many clicks it took me to get to that one ticket but it is darn worth it!!! It took me like 45mins!

Anyway,
I AM GOING TO SEE JOHN MAYER PERFORM THIS WEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doesn't matter if I stand far far as long as I can hear him sing!!! BUT I am going alone as it was really hard to get the limited tickets. The minute I got the ticket the next minute it got sold out! Don't know to be happy (that I got it) or to be sad (going alone wei). Sorry CY!

I am really really really like extremely happy!

Can say its a dream coming true. *shy*

You know lah right, how hard is it for this sort of artist to land in Malaysia kan? I was telling myself that no matter how in this life time (like I have so many lifes) I MUST go and listen to him live!

So happy!!!

:_D

2009-10-30T23:38:00.000+11:00

Read a book. What's the name again, yes, 101 people you won't meet in heaven (I know I shouldn't be wasting time reading books that are not contributing to my research, but I seriously need a new breather).

CY said I am going to have nightmares reading that book (I didn't btw). It's about serious crime offenders. Like war starters, power craze country 'leaders', cannibalists, necrophilias, paedophiles, murderers, genociders, you get the drift.

This book tells the crimes, background of the person, dead or alive, body counts (!!!) and their famous quotes. Didn't think it was that well referred although it is really quite an interesting read.

I noticed, the background especially, that people that has serious family problems, those that were traumatized will ended up like seriously mental.

Problems such as, abusive parents, alcoholic parents, sexually abusive parents (father mostly), no proper family care and love. Those that were mistreated sexually were extremely twisted. Like I really could not imagine the things that they did. They cook the flesh of the person they murdered and then eat it, using their skin to make furniture, have sex with corpses, rapes, tortures and so on and so forth.

I was like, you must be really 'gone' to do those things, that or you really have no basic idea about social living. A few of them were really socially awkward!

And parents, please keep BOTH eyes on your children (boy or girl doesn't matter) and be aware of where they are, they are easy preys to these 'gone' people. A lot of victims were children.

I have no pity for these criminals but then, they didn't know what is right or what is wrong with their upbringing! So what can you say?

Another interesting fact that I collected from that book, is that, those that had a few bumps on their head; dropped on their head when they were young, head concussion (accident), also contributed to their beyond words behaviour. So make sure your kids wear safety helmets. ;-)

Who is the worst criminal, in my opinion?

Those that were perfectly groomed, had loving parents, rich, some are queens and kings. They misused their power and subjected their people to their tortures. These folks really don’t belong to heaven.

And another type, power crazy war hungry politicians! They can burn in hell for all I care. They think of them as god!!! You can guess the people on this list, Saddam (breed by CIA), bin Laden (helped by CIA), Ferdinand Marcos – President of Philippines (assisted by CIA too) and the rest of the infamous ones, Hitler, Mugabe, Stalin, heck even Suharto etc.

After reading this book, it makes me wanna hug my children and makes me wanna super love them - even if I don’t have children.

end note: Could it be the intention of this book to mention CIA’s (US) role in breeding terrorists? Anyway, it just really makes me wonder.

Lucid dreams

2009-10-23T19:26:00.001+11:00

I woke up and went to the bathroom. I wonder how is it that my bathroom is bigger? While I am sitting on the bowl I stare at the window. I wonder, since when I put up curtains in the bathroom and it’s blood red colour. The window is open and the sky is grey and gloomy, exactly like the sky last night. Then suddenly CY burst into the bathroom. He wanted to take some of the toilet bowl I asked of him to pass me some of the paper and he just smile and smile without saying anything. Then I realised heck, this is not real IT IS A DREAM I’M HAVING. I was so nervous that I won’t be able to wake, like ever and I keep telling myself, ‘Tera, WAKE UP WAKE UP’. I even ‘went’ to the end of the bed to wake CY that was sleeping, to ask him to wake me up. I remember I was struggling to wake up with my eyes half open and half shut. Woke up feeling very out of this world. You ever dream about you were dreaming? Also it could be due to the fact that I clumsily banged on the wall like really hard the night before. CY was laughing his arse off. I was worried that I will die of blood clog, drama I know.

Anyway, that was yesterday.

Today, CY had an interesting dream (must be my influence). He dreamt that I cheated money from the mafias and I distributed the money to the ‘people’ and we had to run and hide in the village because I conned the mafias money. Awwww… CY you are so sweet. Seems like I am the heroin in your dream (Robin Hoodess). Heheheheh.

I had plenty of lucid dreams which I have forgotten. Mostly I feel that I am in the real world but then I always realise that I am in the dream world. I wonder if there is any meaning in this. I do believe that dream is part of our subconscious mind that is trying to tell us something.

Something else that is totally random. Someone told me that she would like to return to 21 (She’s about 45) because she wants to begin living differently. I was like har? NO WAY. I wouldn’t want to go back and start all over in my education, relearn life’s lessons, go through hell in my previous work, AGAIN and etc. What a struggle! I can’t wait to finish this life. Like, I know I sound so suicidal but its not that. I think one life time is enough. What do you guys think? I really want to know.

Anyway, gtg, CY is chasing me to get out of my comfort seat so that we could go out and feed the stray cats.

Bye bye.

A little crazy

2009-10-18T23:57:00.001+11:00

I am still tired. The lack of sleep from one night (JUST ONE NIGHT last week) and a continuity of work non stop has taken a toll on me. I’m practically dragging myself out of bed everyday.

I know I am tired not because I think I’ve worked days in a roll, but because I am beginning to twitch around my eyes and my speech is stuttered. I think my body wants to rest and shut down but my mind is against it. Another interesting fact about me being tired and definitely getting stress is I am becoming a cry baby, well I normally do cry easily but this is silly. I can’t even continue to blog properly.

I managed to squeeze some time to read book other than theories’. Between bus ride, lunch break and bus ride. I just got it yesterday and I finished it when I got home today. The only time I can read so fast and intense is when the book is reaching out to me. I feel like my energy has been recharged.

The book, ‘Veronika decides to die’ by my favourite author is about a girl that has no reason to kill herself but still did so, about mad people’s world which always fascinate me (The Soloist is about mentally ill people too). These books make me understand them more, makes me want to be a bit crazy myself too. Story is still around the theme of being you, doing what makes you happy, and this sometimes mean you have to go crazy. Thus, madhouse is a perfect place for you to do what you want and people wont judge you for it. Anyway, above all, this book is about dying and by realizing that you don’t have much time left, then only you will start living. Not much people realize that they are dying so they waste all their precious life away. Sad.

Beethoven, Van Gogh, Einstein was a little mad too but they were all genius in their own ways. Crazy and genius, how irony.

I told you I am stuttering. I am having difficulties forming sentences right now.

Right, back to literature review. My sup told me I had to cut my previously written review down by half. I feel like hanging myself. Maybe that’s why I am twitching. Hehehehe.

Later.

random post again

2009-10-15T22:02:00.001+11:00

Mad tired. But kinda have the mood to spill nonsense. Perhaps this is one of the entry that has no whatsoever logic. I will just type which ever I feel like.

Had a workshop today. It went kinda well, last minute and the planning, we didn’t need to do zip. All the planning and running did by the manager and not the counter manager. Counter manager just need to set up the place. I think it is good, as the sales team can focus on the sales only and not worry about the planning. Another surprise was, they were quite pleased with the outcome. Much to my surprise because back home we have to be answerable to why we did so bad. NO GM no too many managers to boss around limited human resources. It’s understaffed what we have here, but I thought we have less stress and deal with the customer more sincerely. Well that’s what I think.

Came home feeling very warm. CY is the world’s greatest darling. This I dare to say. He was preparing meal for me for my lunchbox tomorrow. Actually he has been doing that since forever. He truly pamper me. Feel like a queen. Ha. Oh yah, CY has this habit of collecting any brochures that he can gets his hands on and he will look through every single one of them. I find that odd.

There is a big party going on at the lawn of my Uni. I saw people jumping up and down with the music. I should be in there but, there’s always a but. Nah, tomorrow I think I will just get a cheap bottle of sparkling wine and down it with CY. No strength to fight for space in crowded spaces.

Do I still hate Sydney? I don’t think so but I still don’t like it. Anyway it must be Kim that’s making me don’t hate Sydney. Had lunch with her, she’s half aussie and half chinese Malaysian. Beautiful lady, I think of her as the gypsy from he 60s. One of the smartest students for my supervisor. Won an award for best hons in our School and she is doing her PhD on a scholarship. Nice to know some people sometimes eh. I like her cause she is not stuck up, must be half Malaysian. ;-)

What else is random. Books! I am going to buy lotsa book here cause its much cheaper if you don’t convert. Like as compared to Malaysia I would have to eat the book or grass if I were to buy like I do now. So going to collect a lot before I go home. Yes. I am and I want to come back Malaysia and be a grouchy Malaysian but still its home. Then again that’s another three year.

Oh. I know how Aussie speaks d. Finally.

Good night. Going to go and make people depress d. ;-)

Disgusted

2009-10-09T19:27:00.001+11:00

I had the most horrible experience ever faced in my entire life last night. It didn't happen to me but I am really disgusted by the people that is living in this state.

I took the bus home yesterday night after work. Its an old bus where you can still push to slide open the window. The bus condition doesn't bother me. It's the people. Fucking retard. I wish the bus would just run over them. Anyway, so I was sitting on the right hand seat and the passenger that experienced that horrible incident was sitting on the left near the window (I will call him Hank). The bus stopped at one of the bus stops near my university to let some passenger off. So we heard some drunk rowdy crowd at the bus stop. Everyone turned and look at that crowd. Then one of rowdy crowd used a beer bottle to knock on the window by Hank. Hank waved. Then that bastard push the window open and spat onto Hank.

I am still angry as I am typing this. What kind of fucktard mentality is this? If you can't control your action then don't drink. True colors show when you are more 'lose' isn't it? That's where your real self show itselfs. ~~I am sorry~~ I have to say this but the spatter was a caucasian and Hank, I think is either a Cambodian/Vietnamese. I don't think that spatter would have spit if it was a caucasian sitting by the window.

I am truly digusted by Sydney and although Malaysia may not have its best in education (yet) or technology or whatever, it is still a country which I still feel safe with generally and I can still feel its sincerity and I believe it has a better 'culture'. Modernity doesn't mean you have better culture. Every where I go here I can almost see either a drunkard or a junkie or BOTH. What's the problem Sydney? I can still walk and feel safe in Malaysia but definitely not here in Sydney. I dare not even leave my balcony door open unattended.

And before you want to tell me that it isn't like that for you, try 'living', like really 'living' in Sydney, try not to be so over protected. Take a bus, take a train, walk down the street in the town and stay for half a year and you will see what I mean. I've asked around and I am not the only one that is feeling this hostility. We can't take away what is yours if you know how to cherish it and I am not staying here for free either. I wonder how much the government here gets from the international students (not only from education, but all the other added costs), told you it's not free. And if you are really unhappy about the international students, then you should talk to your government. Not making us a scape goat.

Honestly, what would you have done if you've been spat at.

Time flies. I believe it now.

2009-10-07T13:52:00.002+11:00

Arrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Seriously. I can't really think. Mead is driving me crazy. Sometimes he is easy sometimes I just want to throw him out of the window. That's the same for everyone else. Is it me that is stupid or do they write that intelligently that I have to read a hundred time before I get them!!! Must be my stupidity and aren't they INTIMIDATING!

And why is it that I feel like time is zooming pass every second of the day. Well, I know it is moving but it is speeding that I should be giving it summonses! I could never understand back when I was in my 20s when people say time flies after you hit that big 30! Now, I still don't understand it but in the sense where did all the time go to?????

Yea. I am feeling very very restless, agitated the most!!!!

Just for fun

2009-10-06T21:41:00.001+11:00

I find this toilet at work very ‘the Matrix’. Like its from another world.

I have no idea what church is this and I’ve been working around here for 3 months d. That’s Hyde Park btw.

New fringe cut by CY. Its HORRENDOUS because it is not even that it is not even funny!

Julie, a very sweet HYPERACTIVE (too much coffee I presume) senior back from USM.

A card that I didn’t want to send out because its so beautiful but it is for a special kid so what to do.

A handmade card for my dad. Really had fun doing this with CY.

Well not entirely handmade, but we did put the stickers up what.

Out of time

2009-10-04T21:35:00.001+11:00

Teringin pula nak berblog dalam bahasa. Hairan lah. Mungkin sebab pasal lama tak berbahasa. Dengan CY kita hanya berhokkien.

Sebenarnya takde apa yang nak dibelogkan. Cuma I tersekat kat sini pasal I sudah tak tau macam mana dah teruskan penulisan saya. Seriously, I dah kesentukan masa NI!!!!!! Masalahnya I tak dapat tumpukan perhatian. Apa masalahnya NI!!!!!!!

Ok. Back to work.

Syok sendiri

2009-10-02T00:38:00.001+10:00

I think I have some issue with myself. I finally managed to sit down and ~~pen down~~ type something up for few hours and yet I still think it is not enough. I am far beyond boasting here, I really feel incomplete, like something is still missing. Need to reset my perspective right I suppose.

My review is coming up end Nov. I am excited since I found out, and today I am beginning to feel anxious, guess stress will come like real soon. So we’ll see what other emotion is on the way.

Was telling CY if I GAGAL (fail) this review, it means bye bye Sydney d. No lah, where got that serious. They still give chance one, they will request you to do another review if seriously cannot do it then really have to bye bye d. My sup will most prob kill me if I do that. So cannot happen lah <crossing fingers>!!

And just to comfort myself here. I never did any research/thesis work in my degree year. It was all essays writing, I feel a bit er…out? when I was doing my master? Struggled a bit, Prof Rokiah was VERY patient with me. My master was the first time I ever did a full skill thesis writing and yet that is only considered a project paper. So yea, I think I am doing ok but man, it is still a LONG way to go.

Um…today I feel like saying thank you to our government, (no sarcasm here) especially to our Ministry of Higher Education and USM for being kind to me. Without their $ support and a chance I wont be learning things that I’m loving. I am really grateful. I am thinking about the interviewer who was really a cool dude and my captain that has never doubted me.

And of course God is the most ultimate one. He just knows.

How come I feel like I am writing a speech for acceptance of some sort of award one.

Syok sendiri. Cheh.

:-D

ARE YOU HAPPY?

2009-09-28T12:07:00.001+10:00

I really really have not much inspiration to write anything lately. As I said, its not like how it used to be, me; young and energetic. I can barely even remember my own age now (some say its denial of my real age, ha!). I used to be able to study and work, study and work non stop and still feel like a horse the next day, ready to charge and make a day. I started doing that since I was 15 years old and it has never stop since then, I think I am begining to feel tired. Perhaps there are more responsibilities involved now in both the work and study that I am in. I can't concentrate fully on both and I can't allow myself to do things half past six, so contradicting. Must be age factor again. Then when I do take time off for myself, I feel guilty about it!!! Like I should be reading or doing something more important. I have to keep telling myself that things will work out, just take it one day at a time.

On a totally different note entirely, I wonder about women that place their happiness on someone else (forget about the men, they are simpler creature that can't tell what is happy or sad). Anyway, placing your happiness on someone else means you will never EVER be happy. At the same time I do dearly think that some of the men really deserve a kick in the groin for the stupid shit they did or said to the women (irresponsible bastards) . HAPPINESS, is your own making. No one else to blame no one else can give it to you. Think about that. Happiness, is not restricted to being in a man or woman relationship but in any other relationship. Even human and cat. ;-)

I was telling CY about how my growing up years was really awkward and stupid. That each time I made any puberty error I end up feeling smaller and smaller and smaller, up to the extent of almost disappearing into nothingness. It is true and I am not exaggerating! I became really confused and sad, believe me there are some years in my high school that I want to forget! Makes me cringe everytime I think about it but that is part of growing up, you learn from it. I started reading motivational books (not knowing it was motivational book back then) and I realize that I am my own responsibility, my happiness is my own making. That's when I started to quest for my own happiness.

Happiness, is the most important thing in my life and I know I will suffer indignantly if I don't focus in that quest. In the journey of self discovery of course I became disoriented and stumbled and lost focus. Then God happened and I became really much more stable, He is one thing that is intangible but yet He was there during the hardest time of my life, in presence. He helped me to move forward. I know He is one relationship that will never let me down. God just happened here again, I never intended to write about Him and He appears again. :-)

It is just that, I saw few cases of friends that placed their happiness in the arms of some useless garbage bins and they ended up getting hurt. It didn't happen like once or twice but many times, why would you want to put yourself through such heartache knowing such bastard won't appreciate the heart's content you are giving out? So when you are crying in the corner of your lonely heart, you seriously need to think how do you want to manage your own happiness and I am 100% sure it is not others.

CY and me were discussing about another human being that claimed that they are the only one that is suffering in the planet and that the rest of the human beings are living on heaven. Right. So the only way for that human being to survive is to provide more suffering to other people cause that is the only way they know how to live. BULLSHIT! My point actually is that everyone's life priority is different. Some is materialism, relationship, power, fame and etc. All these are dependable relationships, you depend on them to seek satisfactions and fulfilment of desires that will have no ending. Happiness can be a dependable relationship as well if you expect someone else to make you happy or you hold charge on others to be responsible for your emotions. Still, they are all dependable relationship.

So my point is, you make your own happiness, don't place it on someone else. My focus in life right now is to be peaceful and happy and I myself am responsible for that. No one else. If I do make mistakes (which I do ALL THE TIME) then it happens, DEAL with it, and move on. I am not perfect, and I am fine being imperfect as it gives me an excuse to be human. Even if others tell you that you are worthless, useless...so what? You know yourself better, don't let them be in control of your life by putting yourself down. The only way that they can make an emotional tsunami in your life is because you depend on their approvals and you depend on them for your own happiness.

Smile as they condemn you even though they may think you are crazy but so what. If thoughts could kill I know many people know will be without balls today. Muahahahahaaha.

One important thing I feel about being happy is that, although you are in control of your happiness it doesn't mean you can let other suffer from you trying to achieve your happiness. I know some will misread this.

p/s: CY just gave me this big clueless eyes when I told him what I've written. -_- Hmm. I guess I was expecting him to stand up and give me a standing ovation? :-p Oh wait, or was that about the balls thingy I kept talking about above?!?!! Hahhaahahha.

Gee. I amuse myself sometimes, that's it! BE YOUR OWN CLOWN!